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January 22, 2007

New Orleans, Panda Bears and Priorities

by Joshua Minton

I can't begin to tell you how draining my trip to New Orleans was last week--draining in a good but complete way. I had exactly zero inspiration to pull out the keyboard this weekend and instead whittled my hours away in my LL Bean bathrobe and slippers, playing Lego Star Wars on the XBOX 360.

And I've been thinking about what to say about New Orleans, how it's like a ghost town there. How the people living there have a little of that same spirit as former lovers still in a marriage long over where both of them are thinking of cheating if they haven't already done it.

I could tell you about the great 80s cock rock band with the black lead singer who hit the high notes in White Snake's Here I Go Again.

Or I could tell you about how I broke down in tears three times walking through the D-Day World War II museum. Once when I saw the helmet of a Marine who died from the bullet which blasted out a three inch hole in the helmet. The second time was when I saw a video of a young Japanese toddler found by Allied forces who was huddled underneath his dead parents, covered in blood and standing there with a blank look on his face like, "What's next? What hell have I been born into?" And the third time was just a welling up in the eyes as I read the document that Truman sent to authorize the dropping of the first Atomic bomb.

I could tell you about all those things in more detail but instead I'll tell you about the short walking tour I took of the upper 9th Ward, the neighborhood where my company had sent us to help build a neighborhood for local New Orleans musicians for Habitat for Humanity. My good friend and I snuck out and took a short walk which didn't stray too far because I felt those mean streets start to lick its lips at the thirty-something Midwestern cracka ass crackas and the warning bells started going off which told me to get the fuck out of there or something bad was going to happen.

But before I did, we came across this house that had the door kicked in (see photo) We walked up on the porch and looked in--there was shit everywhere. No one had come back to claim any of it, it looked like. There were hats still hanging on the wall, clothes in piles, furniture which 500 days ago was all floating under water. There was even a stuffed panda bear lying innocent on a chair like it was waiting where its small-handed owner left it for safe keeping. I wondered why the child didn't take it with them when they left (if they left!) or if they instead chose to take another toy more beloved than that poor panda.

As in so many other cases in life, it all comes down to priorities. Where are our priorities? What are our priorities in the War on Terror? To kill all Muslims who harbor negative sentiments about America? To mobilize a half-million man army who marches for war instead of for peace? And what does it mean to march for peace anyway? Isn't peace a state of rest? Marching is the antithesis of peace, is it not?

What does it say about a country who was unable to allocate and mobilize internal resources for days after the biggest natural disaster in many of our lifetimes when the country immediately to our north had Mounties down there pulling bodies out of the water to safety 48 hours after the storm hit land?

What does it say about our country when the SPCA Human Society tagged a majority of stray animals in New Orleans and relocated them to Texas a week before the storm but old people lay dying and suffering while they relied on gang bangers to loot the local Wal-Marts to bring them food and fresh water but the mayor and the governor and the president sat back and played mouse trap, risk and battleship instead of stepping up to their civic duty?

I have never been so full of hope, so full of dread, so full of admiration at the human spirit to achieve greatness in times of tragedy and so pissed off at the incompetence of a system of government to perform the only function is has ever been charged with--the welfare of the common citizen.

There is going to be a hell of a recompense come due soon for the neglect and borderline crimes against humanity that this ineffectual government perpetrated on the citizens of New Orleans while thousands continue to do in a War supposedly meant to spread freedom.

Freedom for what? To do unaided while politicians from both sides of the aisle worry about poll numbers and reelection strategies? Remember the panda bear and remember your priorities.

Which would you grab first: the Declaration of Independence, the Bible, the rifle or the human hand reaching out to lift you out of the storm?

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January 19, 2007

Coins from the Dead Revisited: Reflections On My Grandfather and How He Came Back to Life

by Joshua Minton

My aunts and uncles are in their seventies. My mother was born almost 30 years after my youngest aunt was born--she was a surprise to say the least.

So my aunts and uncles are much more like grandparents than they are aunts and uncles. And my maternal grandfather was a wonderful son-of-a-bitch. He drank whiskey like water. He won and lost thousands playing poker (not to mention a few hogs and cows along the way--forget Wil Wheaton and those fags in Vegas because farmers are the most serious poker players you'll ever find).

He sometimes fell asleep drunk on the toilet but he did it with class. He was a harsh man but I remember he had the most gentle hands and the biggest room-filling laugh.

My oldest aunt despised him when he was drunk--so he'd see she was coming and go to the cabinet and get out every liquor bottle in the house and do a couple shots so it smelled like he'd been drinking all day.

He'd invite his grandchildren over on Easter Sunday, after church, so he could give them melted chocolate that would ruin their nice outfits.

I remember being two years old and sitting on my grandfather's lap while we counted money. I learned to count, add and subtract at a very young age because I shuffled thousands of dollars in coins into piles for rolling.

On one of those occassions, he let me sip from his Jaggin' Coke and I remember liking the taste of the Coke a lot more than the whiskey. And this is where my Paw-Paw and I are different. I'm happy about that difference--it has made my life a lot more easier and far more enjoyable.

During times, the rest of the family probably felt like my grandfather made everyone's life around him harder except for me and my mother. He bought us a house when she was a single mother, divorced after less than a year of marriage, and forced to move back to a great big I told you so coming from her family.

But she had me with her and because I was so damned cute, I was like a Talisman against any criticism my family could heap on my mother for up and marrying a man who hadn't shown much initiative except for being a smart ass troublemaker and who was now out of basic training and headed for a spectacular career as an enlisted United States Marine (my father went on to become one of the most driven and gifted individuals I know and I am very proud that most of my inspiration and genetic drive for success comes from him and my grandmother).


But these memories of my grandfather I have just described to you are my family's memories that have been handed to me as sloppy seconds. These are things that happened before my time and are therefore easy for me to dismiss.

The most striking memory I have about my grandfather is that he was kind, gentle, and fiercely protective of me. And to a seven-year old child--that is God and it's a hell of a thing when your mother takes you aside on a Sunday and tells you that God died and that you won't be seeing him around here no more and sorry 'bout your luck but this is how the big bad world works.

So the seven-year old kid shed his tears at the service and when he lost it, everyone lost it, because even though the man was a wonderful son of a bitch to most of the people in his life, he loved that little Juicy unconditionally and that had to count something toward his character. It had to be something he could offer up at the gates of heaven to barter for admission despite the sins of his past.

When I cried, everyone cried because I cried like Mary Magdalene at the cross--I cried because God was dead and it didn't look he was ever coming back.

Well, imagine my surprise when my aunts and uncles came to Ohio to visit last week and my youngest aunt handed me a faded yellow envelope that had been folded into fourths. On the front of the envelope, written upside down, was my name with three lines underneath it--in my grandfather's handwriting.

She told me he had left this in a drawer and they found it cleaning up his house after he died. The envelope had been lying in the back of a drawer for years and finally showed up at an opportune time to bring it to me in Ohio.

I opened the envelope and shook the contents into my other hand.

  • There were three 1979 Susan B. Anthony dollars
  • There was one new 1983 nickel (this was also the year he died)
  • And there was a 1971 Kennedy half dollar with a black X marking out the eagle

Now, immediately, my mind fixed on this strange X and I wondered why my grandfather left me defaced US currency.
Could this mean that he was the eldest member of a secret organization that sought to replace the government-controlled communications delivery process like the Tristero in The Crying of Lot 49?

But when I flipped the coin over, I saw that a low arch had been penned from Kennedy's left eye to the base of his skull. Now I thought:

Is my grandfather trying to tell me that he was the one who shot Kennedy because he was an elder member of a secret organization that sought to replace the government-controlled communications delivery process?

Now, this is because I think and write so much about how communication processes in our society are changing reality daily, and this fixation has retarded the portion of my brain that deals with rational thought. Lucky for us all, I am aware of this.

So, I went for what was behind supposition number two. And immediately, my mind gave me an image of my grandfather and I sitting at the table and playing tic-tac-toe with money for money (there were nine half dollar pieces as game tokens but we played for a nickel a round). Hey, to a seven-year-old, that's a lot of money.

So that X was probably a game marker and that suspicious arc across JFK's head was probably an O that got rubbed out over the years (even though it is a perfect demonstration of the internal damage arc of James Files's Firebolt bullet as it was fired from the grassy knoll and entered Kennedy's right temple, forcing his head "back and to the left" while Charles Nicolette's bullet from behind, only a fraction of a second later, pushed Kennedy's head forward....but I digress)

Two days later as I held the half-dollar with the X on it in my palm (it has now become my take everywhere pocket talisman because when I am superstitious, I go all out). And as I stared at the coin, tears that were stuck in the faucet from twenty-three years ago started to roll and I had a good fourteen second squinched up facial convulsion that passed like the pain of losing anything does, anything but your own life.

It's a hell of a thing when a dead relative reaches out and touches your hand years after they're gone. Everyone says we keep people alive by their memories inside of us but that's a bullshit lie because memories are stillborn experiences that weren't taken to the very end. Memories are residual interest payments on the pain we inflict on those around us every day.

I imagine my grandfather used the sauce to drown out a lot of memories and who can blame him?

My memories of my grandfather are no more valid than my theories on the Kennedy assassination--just because I have them doesn't make them true. I can imagine that my grandfather was a secret conspiratorial Patrick Henry assassin instead of a hard-drinking, harsh-talking, deep-loving man who was a skilled construction artist and who didn't start loving and appreciating the people around him until it was almost too late.

It doesn't matter to me how pissed off my Aunts and Uncles still are at him all these years later because of what a shit he was to them when they knew him.

It doesn't matter to me how he spent months at a time away from his family and often left my mother standing at the door crying for her daddy who loved her unconditionally and gave her everything she ever wanted and who she wouldn't see for several months at a time.

It doesn't matter to me that granddad was a traveling man because I knew him after his big accident, when his legs had been shattered and all that was left were a metal walking cane with a grey rubber grip, the few braincells he hadn't stomped out with fifths of John Daniels on the Interstate roads of Kentucky, Indiana, and Illinois, and he had a heart the size of a god damned Illinois cornfield.


What matters is the way I still feel about him and about how good it felt to be touching a coin that was probably last touched by his hands.

I imagine him leaned over hunchbacked on that big kitchen table with the checkered vinyl tablecloth. I have just been picked up on Saturday morning after my weekly ritual of sleeping over at Paw-Paw's on Fridays. We had just finished the last of several games of tic-tac-toe and I was the big winner that day.

And my Paw-Paw was drunk but happy because he has a light in his life that he finally has the sense to walk toward. He is scrawling on a white #6 envelope that would eventually yellow with the age and wear of 23 years in my aunt's junk drawer. He is writing with a cheap ballpoint pen and he is writing the name of his toe-headed grandson which he underlines three times for emphasis; as if to say to his family:
You can tear down my house, haul out all my shit to the curb, sell it off and keep it. Send your kids to college with it or do something you love to do. I've been an ass and you've earned it. But whatever you do--you'd better make sure that this little boy gets these coins. He earned them! He's a hell of a tic-tac-toe player and one day, he might just surprise you, world. So you'd better watch out!

My memories of my grandfather are mine to dress up as I see fit but these coins belong to the both of us.

And no matter how hard I try, I could never erase that X across the eagle or the arc across President Kennedy's head.

But nor would I want to.

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January 17, 2007

The Best Thing About History

by Joshua Minton

I was very privileged this afternoon to have been in attendance during a lecture given by Professor Douglas Brinkley, Professor of History and director of the Theodore Roosevelt Center for American Civilization at Tulane University. He spoke about his direct involvement in the Katrina disaster and its recovery in New Orleans. He just published a new book Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans, and the Mississippi Gulf Coast.

The lecture was phenomenal but I asked a question during his Q&A session which probably made me look like a know-it-all asshole to the people I was with but also illuminated a valid point about the subject of history and why it is so important.

I asked him a What If question. I said, "What would the world look like today in terms of World War II, the Cold War and the War on Terror and the economics of New Orleans the city had Huey Long not been murdered and ran against and beat FDR in 1936?"

There were a lot of murmurs in the crowd after I asked my question and Professor Brinkley did his best to relate his answer to the discussion at hand and the interest level of the audience, making a very valid point about the nature of corruption in Louisiana politics, leaving the audience to deduce that this corruption would have made its way into national politics.

To me, the What Ifs are the best thing about history. You know, when Newt Gingrich writes a fictionalized account of what might have happened post-Battle of Gettysburg had Robert E. Lee not made a crucial error which he had never made in any of the previous campaigns prior to this one--what would the world look like? Would the North and South have continued as two separate nations existing side by side like in Europe? If so, what would the North American response to World War I look like? And how would that have affected World War II?

Fascinating stuff. This are the things that make history as a subject so pertinent in our daily lives.

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January 15, 2007

I Just Finished the Four Hour Premiere of Season 6 of 24

by Joshua Minton

...Holy SHIT!!! Talk about raising the bar. This show is incredible!

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Review of Children of Men

by Joshua Minton

Let me say first off--go see this movie immediately if not tomorrow or this weekend. This is the best movie to come out in at least six months if not a full year.

I'm going to talk about the plot so don't pussy out on me just because you want to be surprised. You'll still appreciate the film if you know what it's about--I promise.

This is a dystopian hero's journey where the viewer is an over-the-shoulder follower of Clive Owen's character as he makes his way from hollow order through hell into new life.

The movie starts off with London as the only city with any order left in the world. There was a worldwide flu pandemic which apparently ushered in global chaos and left the female of the human species completely sterile, unable to reproduce. The youngest child has become a worldwide celebrity and gets murdered by a fan when he refuses to sign an autograph. The civilized world is in mourning.

Clive Owen plays Theo, a man with a job in the last civilized country on earth. It's all about keeping the immigrants out--the immigrants are referred to as Refugees or "Fugees" in a hat-tip to Lauryn Hill and friends.

Theo walks to work with fugees behind cages stationed with armed guards. The fugees look miserable and beg for food as he walks past. Fugees throw bricks at the train as it moves throughout the city, carrying the civilized to work.

It turns out that Theo's ex-wife, Julian (Julianne Moore) is the ring leader of the Fish, a terrorist movement hell-bent on starting an uprising amongst the immigrant population of London who is being mercilessly suppressed by the British government. Oh, Theo and Julian had a son named Dylan but he died in the flu pandemic. They drifted apart and haven't spoken much for twenty years until she arranges for Theo to be kidnapped.

She begs him for a favor, to get his cousin to forge documents of safe travel for "a girl" to travel to the coast and board a ship to "The Human Project" a mysterious underground society rumored to be working on a cure for the female sterility problem.

Theo can only manage to get joint travel docs where he must travel with the girl. It turns out that the girl is a refugee who is pregnant, a miracle in a world without children and without hope.

Theo gets caught up in a situation of conspiracy and murder where he ends up shepherding this girl and her newborn baby through absolute hell on earth in order to protect the little life and get it to a place where it can mark the start of a new beginning for the human race.

There is a point in the movie where Theo, the girl and the baby end up in the middle of a very tense and bloody battle between the police and the Fish (who are both looking for him to kill him) and the baby starts crying, silencing all the guns, all the soldiers and all the militants. Everyone kneels in awe of the baby child as Theo leads her and her mother through the war zone to safety.

This is the most powerful moment in the movie, an absolute artistic breakthrough that must be meditated upon. Life stops death when normally it is the other way around. This is the marker of proper art, meaning art which holds the individual in aesthetic arrest in the moment. What is it that would possibly make both sides in a war halt their fire and kneel in reverence together? A miracle of a simple child's cry, something we parents take completely for granted--has the power to silence the loudest bomb and the simmer down the most riotous hatred in the heart of man.

The best fiction puts everything at stake all the time and this movie is one of the finest films that I have seen in too long a time. I wholeheartedly recommend that you see it and tell others about it.

PS: Kudos to the filmmaker for the Pink Floyd pig in the skyline when Theo is at his cousin's house--I fell in the love with the movie from that point forward.

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January 14, 2007

Revisiting Spike Lee and Hurricane Katrina

by Joshua Minton

In anticipation of my upcoming visit to New Orleans, I picked up the four hour Spike Lee documentary about Hurricane Katrina When the Levees Broke.

If you recall, I greeted the initial announcement of Spike Lee's project with, ahem, great skepticism. I'm an admirer of Lee's dramas, especially Malcolm X; but he really pissed me off back in the late 90s when he refused to speak at my college (the rumor was that there wasn't enough black students to merit his effort) but I was distrustful of his motives what with the emphasis in the media at that time of his focusing on the conspiracy theory that the government blew up the levees to flood the 9th Ward in order to prevent the much wealthier lake front properties from being flooded.

It's funny but I wonder how many other political Independents out there began breaking from the Bush camp after the ridiculously incompetent government response to the Gulf Coast disaster and the continued waste and ineptitude which continues to this day while people still wait out the rebuilding from their too-little too-late FEMA trailers and shady all-too-small insurance payouts.

I was very hard on Ray Nagin at the time, but I have to say that after watching all four hours of Lee's documentary, Nagin came across as the most genuine and most concerned public official throughout the entire debacle.

I'm not sure what to expect when I hit the Crescent City. Word is that the crime is so bad that the government is seriously considering instituting mandatory curfews like some Third World war zone. I'll be spending a day helping rebuild something in the community of New Orleans and I'm taking my camera to document what likely can't be described in words.

About Lee's documentary: it's an American masterpiece, a historical document of immense importance that should be watched by every American in order to reinforce the simple but often obfuscated truth that the government can never be a natural provider for its citizenry and cannot replace the will and ingenuity of the individual human being.

About Hurricane Katrina: I fear the wrong people learned the wrong lessons and how to profit from them and I can only pray that the right people learned the right fears and how to subvert the wrong people from their dastardly ends.

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January 12, 2007

Why Do We Stop Learning?

by Joshua Minton

















I came across this quote on my daily calendar today:
Tiny children want to learn to the degree that they are unable to distinguish learning from fun. They keep this attitude until we adults convince them that learning is not fun.

EDUCATOR GLENN DOMAN
Why do people stop learning? There was a time when people got together, they asked the question, "Have you read [this book] by [this author]? And I imagine that more than often, the answer came back in the affirmative. Try that nowadays. 8 times out of 10, you'll get laughed at.

So when did illiteracy become the norm? When did that act of not learning become a badge of honor? There is such a deep undercurrent of anti-intellectualism in our society that to make a literaray reference in a conversation is to marginalize oneself or go totally misunderstood to point of having might as well not even have said anything at all.

I already know that you all (my readers) read, as a general rule, but I'm interested in hearing your thoughts about this issue.

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January 10, 2007

Why These are the Only Three Period of History Worth Studying

by Joshua Minton

In the past, I have told you all that there are only two periods of history I consider worthy of studying (speaking personally here) and those are 1763-1783 in Colonial America and 1919-1944 in Germany.

But I want to amend that statement to include a third period, equally important to the other two: 1860-1864 in America. That's right, the Civil War and what led directly to it.

Here's my justification for this hypothesis. I believe that the entire present state of human culture and its immediate and long-term future are intimately tied to these three periods of history.

Yes, these historical periods are very America-centric and if that makes me an ardent nationalist, so be it. But hear me out for a moment. Prior to the 1760s, there was never a civilization in the history of world founded upon the precept that the individual human being was inherently free from the tyranny of an earthly power, be it parliament or king. Prior to the United States, no man was above the rule of law and the rule of law was ordained by God.

But after America, laws became an extension of the rights of individual human beings instead of slave cages to herd masses of nameless and faceless human forms through history in service of the state or church.

But America was a loose union of idealism from the 1790s up to the 1860s. Prior to the Civil War, we used to refer to our country as "These United States." The state was the organizing principle of government and the federal government was little more than a frame drawn around the states to ensure they stayed within the bounds of the Constitution which laid out how the inherent rights of mankind were to be protected from infringement by other men or by the institutions of men.

And like a dysfunctional marriage where one spouse is constantly looking to cheat--states prior to the Civil War were always threatening to secede from the Union. The Federalists tried to secede back when Jefferson, Madison and Monroe pulled off the three-peat to keep Virginia planters in the White House for a generation. South Carolina was close to seceding under Calhoun when Andrew Jackson was in office but he shut that shit down quicker than a gay man being offered a hand job by a female stripper.

And then there was Lincoln. His very election caused half the American South to secede and the other 45% followed shortly thereafter, prompting old Abe to initiate a campaign of warfare that led to the death of thousands of his own countrymen in order to keep the frame drawn around the states intact. Could you imagine what the world would be like now if that frame hadn't been fought for and had hundreds of thousands die for in order to preserve? North America would be Europe all over again and the Civil War would have only been the beginning of wars of aggression and outright politic on this continent.

And the Industrial revolution truly blasted off in an age of cheap immigrant labor and monopolistic cartels with the money and resources to direct towards society building in America and you come to the First World War which as we all know was perhaps the most ridiculous war ever fought in the history of mankind and which directly led to the Second World War and totally redefined the United States government's power over its citizenry and the further shrinking of the law as protector of the rights of individuals--moving further and further back towards the cage of restitutional demands upon the individual in servitude of unscrupulous men and the systems they create to dazzle and bewilder denizens who know no better than to bow to the will of what seems like natural authority.

What happened in Nazi Germany is a litmus test for the tyranny of man run rampant in a massive social setting and the dichotomy of what brilliant and powerful men can accomplish when opportunity, circumstance and raw will conglomerate together could not be more diametrically opposed than in the men who pulled off the Revolutionary War in America and the men who pulled off the mass murder of 11 million human beings from the face of the earth in a reign lasting less than twelve years.

History has many truths which reveal themselves only to the lucky and patient among us but there are also many truths as plain as the moon in the sky on clear and cold night.

LINKS:
  • Watch the trailer for this documentary about a group of frontline soldiers during the 1994 American occupation of Fallujah (hat tip to Fantastic Bastard because this looks like it will be a great movie well worth watching)

  • Lazy Dork (hat tip to Glardon)

  • Where the hell were co-ed naked parties at when I was in college?

  • Don't mind the man behind the curtain--it's just President Bush and his 100 billion dollar nuclear warhead

  • Did Judas Iscariot get a bad rap?

  • Did the Carl Sagan Martian probes from the 70s actually kill off the microbial life they were sent to search for?

  • A great documentary about the BGNews (my newspaper in college where I wrote an opinion column for a couple years)

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January 9, 2007

Why I Can't Call Myself a Blogger Anymore

by Joshua Minton

I don't know what happened but at some point in the ln the last month or so, I have been unable to complete the phrase "my blog."3

It sounds so pretentious to me anymore and my constitution will only allow me to be pretentious in deeply subversive ways and the phrase "my blog" seems very superficial to me anymore.

Maybe its just a phase I'm going through.

I'm back to being a writer instead of a "blogger" and I'm back to having "my site" instead of "my blog."

I'm probably just splitting hairs here but long before I started using a cascading style sheet platform that catalogs web pages chronologically with the most recent page on top--I was a writer publishing his work online in an electronic format.

I'm still that guy...but I'ill answer to blogger also.

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January 8, 2007

If You Want to Know How I Feel About How the Buckeyes Played in the Championship Game...

by Joshua Minton





...just watch Woody.

They played like a bunch of fuckin' losers who didn't deserve to be in a championship game in the first place.

It's bullshit.

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A Year Ago, I Gave You My Get a Better Job Tip #4

by Joshua Minton

THE BIG SILENCE

One of the biggest take home lessons I learned from reading The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is that while we may not control what happens to us, we have complete control over our reaction to it. Think about this for a moment, that in that that space between action and reaction, a choice is made by each person and in that choice lies power over life and death, right and wrong, prudent and imprudent.

Now, this is one thing in theory but it really sunk in a few years back when I had just started working for a high-level executive who needed some information immediately from another high-level executive.

So, I sent an initial detailed e-mail on a Thursday and hadn't heard anything by Monday morning. So, I sent a follow-up e-mail. Almost immediately, I got a response from this veteran executive, saying "Obviously you don't know my policy on asking twice. If you do it, I don't respond at all."

I was taken aback. I had no idea if he was serious or not, but I assumed he was since I had never met him before and would have no reason to think he'd approach with me with any type of jocularity.

And I started to fire back a smart ass e-mail, something along the lines of Sorry, I wasn't aware of your no-follow up policy. That has to work well for the quality of your work..

But I didn't.

I stayed my hand and kept quiet.

And within ten minutes I had the info I wanted from him in an e-mail. I responded to him immediately, thanking him for getting to it so quickly and apologizing for the indiscretion, promising that it wouldn't happen again.

And you know what, he responded in humor, something about keeping my boss's people in line.

And to top that off, this guy remembered my name and sought me out at the next all-associates gathering. He introduced himself, shook my hand, and we both laughed about his no-follow up policy (which apparently was legendary throughout the company and everyone was initiated into it at some point).

You never know who is going to be your next contact point within your network for a new job or opportunity so when you feel like burning a bridge, take a pause and make sure that you really don't want to get to the other side.

On the other hand, there are times when Fantastic Bastard's creedo applies: Why burn a bridge when you can blow one up?

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January 7, 2007

Mother Night and Letting My Eyes Go to Shit

by Joshua Minton

I've been told I'm smart all my life but the truth is that I am a total idiot sometimes. In the past year, I have spent many white man dollars upgrading the visual quality of the technical components in my house. I bought an HD-TV, an XBOX 360, got HD cable with an HD DVR and an HD-DVD player.

All the while I've let my eyes go to shit.

I wear contact lenses, the two week kind. And while I take them out each night; I only change them about once every three to four months. Well, after a month or so, bacteria builds up on the lenses and its like putting a plastic cess pool in your eye every day.

I've noted a consistent degradation of my visual quality over the past year and its because my corneas were acutely inflammed. They were so bad that the optomotrist couldn't even complete the eye exam and had to prescribe me expensive steroid/antibiotic drops to be administered four time a day until next week.

I've spent hundreds on upgrading technology and let the visual biology of my own body sink into poverty. See what I mean? Dumb.

But while waiting for my eye exam, the woman next to me asked me what the best novel I ever read was. People ask me weird literary shit like this all the time. I guess I look like a novel reader. There are people who read far more and far less than I do and most of my reading is supplemented using audio books on CD in the car on my morning commute.

But I had an answer for her--Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut. Here's the hook, as they say in the publishing business:
An American spy living and working in Nazi Germany becomes a radio talk show host who communicates his state-stolen secrets to the Allied Forces through anti-semitic rants over the radio which fuels the German fervor to carry out the most despicable mass murder in human history. So, while the secrets he was able to smuggle out were invaluable in helping the Allies win the war; doing so came at an enormous price.
You can do far worse than reading Vonnegut--like letting your eyes go to shit while you spend hundreds on new technology to help you see the world better through your television.

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January 5, 2007

A Letter to Richard Dawkins

by Joshua Minton

What's Up My Godless Heathen Homey?

I thought I'd write you quick note after learning that the exchange of information is going to destroy organized religion and large-scale warfare.

I don't know, Richie boy--I think you've gone off the deep end a bit. I've watched a few of your You Tube offerings and read a snippet or two there (still haven't gotten to your books yet because Song of Myself is just too beautiful to put down and let's face it, anybody with a brain in their head and a heart in their chest should be reading Walt Whitman every waking moment of the day.

I don't know man--this whole science replacing God thing that you kooky Bioethicists have drudged up again is leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. Not that I'm against offending organized religion because, shit--me and Nietzsche invented that shit; but I find the whole premise of religion and war becoming marginalized by the greater exchange of information to be a bit laughable.

Speaking of Nietzsche, he said it best in Thus Spake Zarathustra: "You have made your way from worm to man and much in you is still worm." Much in you is still worm, Richie boy--don't forget your roots.

I agree with you that it's a bit preposterous that so many millions of people out there worship words and the books that bind them and the ideas they project to the point of continuing to murder over them. It is a bit childish to worship and facilitate a long outdated ritual (no matter what the religion). But wouldn't you concur that religion is ultimately a positive organizing force in society?

No?

George Washington did. He said:
Of all the dispositions and habits which lead to political prosperity, religion and morality are indispensable supports. In vain would that man claim the tribute of patriotism, who should labor to subvert these great pillars of human happiness, these firmest props of the duties of men and citizens.
Now I know you British bastages don't respect Washington as much as we do here in the land of fluoride and white teeth but I think he made a valid point.

See, science has a point where it ends, where it can go no further and at that point it shuts down as a support system because logic can only go so far (I know that truth may hurt but sit with it and let it kill your ego and you'll feel much better about this whole thing).

I guess what I'm saying is that you'll never convince someone to turn away from their conception of divinity by appealing to their logic and reason. You have to speak to their heart and to do that, Richie boy, you need to understand metaphors. One well-placed metaphor can murder millions or lift them up to the heights of ecstasy.

People need a reason to live and science is the scenery of life, it isn't the driving principle that makes our boners raise the sheets at dawn every day.

God is not in the details because God is just a word. But that word is trying to point us past itself to a universal truth beyond names and forms, an underlying factotum of existence so basic that it supports and subverts the very logic which seeks to ascertain its circumference and depth.

Anyway, keep up the good work tearing the churches down brick by brick but just remember that the human heart abhors a vacuum--something has to be rebuilt in place of the church and the world already has enough Wal-Marts and universities.

Cheers Mate,

Josh

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January 3, 2007

Review of Gears of War for the XBOX 360

by Joshua Minton

This is the game I've been waiting to play on the XBOX 360 and every thing about it is beautiful--even the flying chunks of blood and body parts. You know this game is different from the first moment you step out of the prison cell in the beginning.

The game is set in a post-apocalyptic world where a demon horde of slithering and bulging mutants have slimed their way up through the crust of the earth forcing humanity to unleash a light mass weapon which devastated the surface of the planet, leaving everything in total ruin.

You play as Marcus, a soldier who went off the reservation to rescue this father and was thrown in solitary prison for life by a dickhead CO. You are broken out of prison just as the monsters have made their way into it to take it over. You are freed by your brother in arms, Dominic, who hooks you up with some sweet weapons (one of which is an automatic rifle with a chainsaw on the end (oh so very cool when slicing a bloody opponent to pulp in close quarter combat).

The game takes place over 36 hours and has some very cool, some very tough and some very scary parts. You can play through co-op with one of your buddies either online or in your own house (online is better because you get the full screen effect).

This is a game made by gamers for gamers and I give it a firm A+. You won't believe your eyes.

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January 2, 2007

A Letter to President Bush

by Joshua Minton

Dear Georgie,

Since you won't return my phone calls or my e-mails and since you haven't posted on your ultra secret blog that you've been keeping from Laura and those tight asses in your Secret Service detail; I have to post this publicly. Now c'mon Georgie--you and I go back too far for you start acting like a punk, man. And this letter is an attempt to fix what's gone wrong with us because I care.

You know, when you and I started this thing in the summer of 2000; I had such high hopes for us--I really did. I thought we were going to be the Silver Anniversary surfers, my man--taking life by the big waves and smiling at the sun while the other surfers around us ate foam and wiped out one by one. Damn there's been a lot of wipe outs since that summer, hasn't there? But we've had a few good wave runs too, can't forget that and we shouldn't forget that you were the king dong on the board during those times. But we also can't help but pointing out that you were the Faust in charge when we ate it also.

Dude, I was with you in the days after 9/11--you were in my thoughts and prayers. I was with you when the lights starting flashing and the rocks started flying in Afghanistan. And I was even with you when the tanks rolled into the desert of Iraq and embedded media showed us, the populace and people who gave you the job, how a war begins in real time for the first time in human history.

I didn't get as bent out of shape as the rest of the country with the human pyramid torture pictures because I know that what Dr. Meade said in Gone with the Wind is some true shit: "Good Heavens,...this is war, not a garden party."

I was even with you on the surveillance stuff for the most part. Taking away the privacy of communications from the populace isn't anything new during war time. After all, Lincoln authorized simultaneous raids on every telegraph office in the North and seized the record of ever telegram written for an entire year by anyone in the north. He suspended Habius Corpus and authorized the seizing and imprisoning without being formally charged of hundreds of citizens. He took a shit load of money from the US Treasury and just handed it over to the Lords of Industry to procure the instruments of war from their impressive social and business networks and didn't even ask for a receipt.

So bad shit has been done by Presidents in the past who have also been picked by the three sisters who choose, measure and cut the string. Nobody's saying that you're the only one or even that you've gone way too far and deserve to get fired like your predecessor (even though he wasn't removed).

But I've been reading up on Lincoln a lot lately and things started to come into focus when I read this portion of a speech he gave to Congress on July 4th while the Civil War was still in its newlywed stage:
This is essentially a People's war. On the side of the Union it is a struggle for maintaining in the world that form and substance of government whose leading object is to elevate the condition of man, to lift artificial weights from all shoulders, to clear the paths of laudable pursuit for all, to afford all an unfettered start and a fair chance in the race of life...Our popular government has often been called an experiment. Two points in it our people have already settled, the successful establishing and the successful administering of it. One still remains--its successful maintenance against a formidable attempt to overthrow it. It is now for them to demonstrate to the world that whose who can fairly carry an election can also suppress a rebellion, that ballots are the rightful and peaceful successors of bullets, and that when ballots have fairly and constitutionally decided, there can be no successful appeal except to ballots themselves at succeeding elections. Such will be a great lesson of peace, teaching men that what they cannot take by an election, neither can they take by war--teaching all the folly of being the beginners of a war.
That utterance put so many things into perspective for me--with what we're trying accomplish in Iraq and the Middle East in general.

It's a monumental task to take a conglomeration of human minds so entrenched in their belief and in their worship of their deity (who in their minds calls for continued bloodshed in a ridiculous war which has lasted hundreds of years too long) and say to them that the age of religious zealotry has come to a crashing end and that instead of ascribing patterns and powers to the stars in the sky, mankind is now traveling to them and every race, creed and belief system is welcome to come along.

It's a bitch of a thing to say that to people, Georgie--believe me, I know. I've been trying to figure out a kind way to say that type of shit for over ten years ago and it still comes out harsh and unsympathetic. But since when has human history yielded to the sensibilities of the moment and the human emotion that swirls and fills the vacuum of the possibility of the next moment?

So, look--we're cool, Georgie. You can put my name back on speed dial in your Blackberry and you can start leaving comments on this blog again. Because we're down like that, I'm willing to wipe the slate clean in Two to the Double Aught Seven. Just make sure that everything you do is in the spirit of what Lincoln talked about in that speech because so long as you do that--you are still on the razor's edge, my man.

Keep it real in DC, Georgie Boy and next time you come to Columbus you don't have to hang out with just the millionaires. You can come to the crib and we'll throw down on the XBOX 360 in a little Call of Duty or Gears of War and my wife'll make her Shake-N-Bake pork chops, out of the box mashed taters and Bush's baked beans which is about as good a feast as any man needs.

Love,

Josh

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January 1, 2007

Looking Forward to 2007

by Joshua Minton

I don't make predictions because I never received my crystal ball in the mail. But in this armchair mystic's opinion, 2007 is going to be one hell of a year for us all. For me, personally, I feel stars aligning this year, clicking into Keplerian place as the orbits of the planets start humming in harmony again and shit starts getting right in the world.

Like my man reverse_vampyr, I too have been working for well over a decade on a story. His is a comic book, mine is a novel but you get the similarity. I've written this story a dozen times on paper and countless hundreds of times in my head. Snippets have come to me through dreams, waking revelations and insights brought on through personal relationships.

And now I've got an outline, bitches! That's right--I finally sat down and thundered out a rough outline that I'm in the process of turning into a smooth one. Plus, I've already written a few dozen pages to get the feel of the story and I likey-likey how it feels under my fingertips and the keyboard gets more and more battered and the page number and word count grow higher.

I learned a long time ago that good writers write all the time and great writers only touch the pen when inspiration calls them. My mind goes silent for weeks and months but I never complain because when the neurons fire up, it's like a lightning storm in Texas, Jack. And when the floods come roaring down the valleys of my mind, I never go for high ground--I grab a log and go where the river takes me.

And this river is going somewhere very special, my peeps. I will be revealing more and more about this novel to my readers as time goes on this year but know that if I go a couple few days without blogging--chances are I'm working on the goody good stuff.

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