1. Had a baby girl: It's been said that you're not a true parent until you've had two kids. I was raised an only child and I would never level such a charge against my mother who enjoyed assistance from my entire family in raising me. But another phase of life began the day I first met my baby girl and I revel in watching her and my son grow inches from minutes each day. Life would hold little meaning without my family; they allow me to charge the world following the angels of my better nature.
   
   

2. Told my wife and children that I love them at least once a day: Sappy, I know but the fact is that you never know when your last breath is going to take place and the first order of business in making sure your affairs are set in order should be to express your emotions to the people you care the most about. For me, that number one is my wife and children, although it may not seem like that to them.
   
   

3. Got a great promotion at my new job: I took a gamble and even turned down more money to come in at an entry-level position at my new company and was promoted to a pretty prominent role in less than a year. I look forward to continuing my upward professional climb.
   
   

4. Got hired at the greatest company in the world 7 days after #5: I don't name or talk about the company I presently work for so I won't go into detail. It is sufficient to say that not only am I proud to work for my company, every day brings a new and welcome challenge that I feel advances me in a worthwhile way.
   
   

5. Got fired from a douche bag company in 7 days: Remember this? I'm going to use a bad word now. Eff health insurance; eff shitty overhead health insurance jobs and eff United Health Care in particular. The boweevil faced corporate twat that I worked for was a slimy slug wallowing in the bowels of the hell she has made for herself, a great bloody field of mistrust and animosity that the entire health insurance industry has become. We have allowed health insurers to conglomerate around Congress and create an entire middle man industry out of a post-World War II loophole that provided a tax shield to companies who offered health benefits to their workers. This industry is literally sucking the life out of our economy and our pocket books and for my money is a far greater threat to our democracy than Al Queda or Saddam Hussein. When I see United Health Group caught up in a scandal, I smile because those bastards deserve to go the way of Enron and I would have quit if the douche's hadn't fired me first for surfing the Internet (Monster.com coincidentally) on my break. Assholes.
   
   

6. Bought a 42" HD Samsung DLP television: I love my television and refuse to watch any television show that isn't broadcast in High Definition. Call me a snob if you want to but if you're still watching 480 lines of interlaced resolution then you may as well be listening to Little Orphan Annie and The Shadow on the radio.
   
   

7. Bought an XBOX 360: The best game system out there, hands down. Don't give me the puss-boy PS3 blue-ray argument because the XBOX 360 beats Sony's overpriced gas bag at every angle. Video games are the best way to unplug, unwind and recharge that I know of besides getting into a really good book.
   
   

8. Got digital HD cable with an dual tuner HD DVR: Nothing beats being able to record all your favorite television shows in high definition even when two of them are on at the same time. Civilization isn't worth a squirt without DVR--without it, it would feel like living in trees and caves again.
   
   

9. Attended the OSU Michigan game:Quite simply the best college football game I could ever hope to attend. My buckeyes came out on top but Michigan still put up one hell of a fight, making the Big Ten look all the better. The pre-party festivities were barely describable and an experience that everyone should make a pilgrimage to come see.
   
   

10. Saw Tool play live here in Columbus: Maynard James Keenan is one of my favorite artists in the world, whether it's A Perfect Circle or Tool and this was the second time I saw Tool play live. While the entire performance was a knock out, my favorite song of the night was "Pot" from the new album 10,000 Days.

LINKS:

• Why Gears of War Cost $60
  
• Seinfeld fans can now give the gift the gift that keeps on giving: Make a Donation in Someone's Name to the Human Fund "Money for People" (hat tip to Fantastic Bastard)

When I graduated from college in the Spring of 2000, I hadn't been to see the dentist in over five years. And I still hadn't gone by the time I settled in with full time benefits at Anthem Blue Cross & Blue Shield in Cincinnati in the late Summer of said year.

Since cleanings and checkups were free with my insurance, I figured what the H? And I did the dumbest thing I possibly could--I opened the yellow pages and picked the first cool ad I found that was near to work and home.

The lucky dentistry practice was named Kingdom Family Dentistry and it was right around the corner from my work and on my way home at the time. I made my appointment for a Friday afternoon.

When I got there, nothing seemed out of the ordinary--it was a standalone ranch building that housed only the dentist office. The dentist was a beautiful black woman, mature but still classy. The office staff was nice enough.

I had to get x-rays with those insufferable frigging bitewings where the plastic cuts into your gums and you smile like a damned fool while high intensity power waves ripple through your gray matter.

As an aside, how safe does it make you feel when the hygenist goes around he frigging corner to push the button to avoid being hit with the rays herself.
I got into the chair and the hygenist started poking around and scraping inside my mouth. I always thought there should be a superhero who was hit by gamma rays and mutated in the dentist chair--perhaps The Molinator like in The Santa Clause 2. But I digress.

After the x-rays, the hygeinist starts poking around and scraping. She finds two cavities that she says the dentist will fill during that visit. So, she finishes with her cleaning and the dentist comes in and pokes and scrapes some more.

Then the drill came out and shit got crazy. Just after I was novacained up and before she put the drill in my mouth; she hit play on one of those little tv/vcro combos posted in the upper right hand corner of the office. I thought, this lady is going to watch soap operas while she drills my teeth.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

All of the sudden, this church shit starts up at full, surround sound volume. It was like being front row in a Billy Graham revival. And the worst thing was that the preacher was Rod fucking Parsley.

Those of you who have read this blog for years, know of my eternal and infernal disdain for this gruesome specimen of humanity and if you don't, feel free to catch up here.

Apparently, the word "Kingdom" in the practice name had more metaphyiscal applications than someone's last name (come to think of it, I've never heard of anyone with the last name of Kingdom so double dumb ass on me). And now I've got this crazy religious dentist lady drilling my teeth while Rod Parsley rages and sweats and ear splitting volume.

People, I'm telling you--I was in the fourth circle of Dante's hell (the fifth is reserved for Parsley himself and the sixth through eighth is for Haliburton and Enron execs whose sins have impelled God to evict the Devil back up to the slums of heaven, finally answering Tupac's immortal question of whether Heaven has a ghetto too).

Now, don't get me wrong--if you're a devoutly religious person and being esconced in the middle of quaint second through fourth century Middle Eastern metaphor and ritual get you through the day--more power to you.

If giving yourself over to the belief that you are inherently better than other human beings because of the direction that your thoughts flow as the electrical impulses spark and jump the gaps between neurons in your brain--I say, "A Salud!"

But don't fucking strap me down with a drill in my mouth and subject me to what would be construed as torture under the Geneva convention because I was too stupid to read the fine print in your yellow pages ad.

Needless to say, I did not schedule a follow up visit six months later. But, oddly enough--my teeth never felt cleaner. Go figure.

LINKS:

• Reverse_Vampyr has a health issue and needs your prayers and kind thoughts--help a brother out and wish him well
  

• WKRP is finally coming to DVD (with some substituted music, of course)
  

• Infidel753 left a comment with a blog link here the other day. Check his blog out here--very insightful and pithy commentary on social issues there. He's earned a probationary spot on the BWP blogroll (don't worry Infidel, I'm not as viscious as JD is with cutting his blogroll--he cleans house frequently!)

When I was a child, I used to create detailed Christmas lists. I can't remember if I addressed them to Santa Clause or not but I'm talking detailed descriptions, catalog pages and pricing columns which had a sum at the bottom. I have never been at want for something at Christmas time (or any other for that matter). I am a consumer to the core of my being.

I was not raised under the Protestant work ethic where it is taught that it is a sin to spend and a nobility to save. I was taught (or learned at an early age) that it was far better to have desire for things than not to. Not to have a desire for the newest best thing still feels like a big step towards the lonely coffin.

And I continue to create lists even in my Methusilian old age. But this year, I thought I'd try something different. I told my wife that I wasn't making a list and that she had carte blanche to buy me what she wanted for Christmas.

This sounds great in theory but the practice has already hit a major snag. She knew I wanted the Shelby Foote Civil War Narrative series from Easton Press. It's the first time the book has been back in print for a number of years and as my loyal readers out there know--I LOVE any book from the Easton Press; they are the finest made in the world.

Well, guess what? My wife gave the brochure to my mother who chose to sit on her hands and wait until last week to order the series. When she went to purchase them online, it said they were sold out. She called the customer service line and it turns out that they decided that they would only do one printing of the book in order to make it more valuable.

Doh!

So my mom gets on E-bay to see if she can find a copy for sale. She found one that was a couple hundred bucks more expensive than the list price and ordered it. But then they were stolen from the guy's shelf and he had to cancel the order. I imagine he found someone else who wanted to pay more and lied to my mother but that's just my cynical side talking.

So, I'm heart broken over losing the opportunity to own these books but life will go on.

We'll just have to see what becomes of my listless Christmas.